Breathe
by Lost-In-Ages
Summary: "Spence, when your gone, I can't breathe." She can, but it hurts so bad when he isn't there that she doesn't want to. "That's not healthy, JJ. I'm not your husband, I didn't father your child." He wishes he was. He wishes he did. "Don't leave me because I'm an idiot." "I'd never leave you. But I still have to let you go." STRONG LANGUAGE! RATING MAY CHANGE IN FUTURE CHAPTERS!
1. Drunk Jesus

**So, this is my first fanfic. I'm a huge fan of Criminal Minds! I hate Will, so _so _much. I also love JJ/Reid. In this story, Prentiss never 'died'. There was never a Valhalla, or a Maeve. **

* * *

Spencer Reid was, to put it simply, hammered.

The young genius was downing shot after shot at the local club he had run to after the reception of JJ's wedding. That was it, that was the last nail in the coffin. He was truly alone. JJ was gone, to him at least. He tried to be happy for her, and the alcohol was trying for him, too, but he couldn't help but brood. He knew what marriage meant, it meant that his best friend was gone.

It meant that his childish dreams of the precious 'Happily Ever After', were lost. With this morbid thought, he swallowed more of the bitter liquid in his glass. Reid's vision was swimming, and the loud, pulsating music was giving him a headache, but tonight, he didn't care. He normally never _ever _drank, but he did admit that the numbing feeling it gave his brain was savory.

Why then did he feel the need to drink away his problems? Simple. He was in love with his best friend. The best friend that had a child. And now a husband.

Reid groaned, and slurped down the clear vodka once again. He was stripped down to just his dress shirt and slacks, and had absolutely no idea where his jacket and bow tie had gone. It was a rental, too.

Oops. Oh well.

The burly bartender went to refill his glass, but Spencer stopped him.

"Just give me the whole damn thing," he said, surprised his speech was coherent and without any slurs. The bartender shrugged, and handed the large, filled bottle to the BAU agent, sensing he needed it.

Reid coughed slightly and gulped the alcohol greedily. He gingerly set the bottle down, and closed his eyes, repeating the mantra 'she's not yours, she's not yours' in his head over and over again. His heart felt shattered, and the still sane part of his mind tried to assure it; they all knew this was coming eventually. He opened his eyes and laughed at nothing, but everything at once. He was God's punch line, wasn't he?

His mom's getting worse by the minute, he's lost his best friend, he's lost his _love_, he's lost his faith in humanity.

Eh, at least he was useful for something.

His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, and his shirt collar was undone, his hair was a complete mess, but he paid that no mind. He grabbed the vodka again, the burning liquid rolled down his throat, comforting him.

Spencer was banging his head against the counter top before he even knew it, trying to get the image of JJ and Will kissing out of his head. It seemed to be branded into the backs of his eye lids. A choked sob escaped his lips, and he felt a wetness on his cheek. He hurriedly wiped the tears away, there was no reason to be a baby and cry.

_Be happy for her! _He mentally screamed to himself. No matter what he told himself, it didn't make the pain hurt any less.

He spent most of his night like that, drinking, sulking, wallowing. He had lost track of time, and when the bartender had escorted him out when the club closed, he didn't remember much at all.

Reid found himself in the morning, cradling the bottle and wrapped in his bed sheets, wearing the same thing he had last night. He had a killer hangover, but he had successfully managed to replace the wedding in his mind with thoughts of serial killers and zombies, you know, comforting things.

He grabbed his phone, noticed the time and the number of missed calls, and let out a mighty groan. It was 2:30. He was supposed to be at work at 7:00. The latest to try and contact him was Hotch, 30 minutes ago. He redialed the number and put the phone on speaker as he fixed his morning coffee.

He splashed some vodka into the beverage, once again in his misery. On the fourth ring, Hotch answered.

_"Agent Hotchner speaking."_

"Hotch, this is Reid, I'm not feeling well. I think it's time I take a vacation. I was hoping maybe three weeks, if that's alright."

Spencer sipped his spiked coffee, and listened to what Hotch had to say.

_"Of course, Reid, I know you've been worried about your mother. If you need anything, I'm a phone call away."_

"Thanks, Hotch. I'll let you know when I'm coming back."

_"Hotch out."_

The beep signalling the end of the call was loud in his ear, and left him to drink. When he had drained his coffee, he put the cup in the sink and grabbed his keys from the rack on the side of his kitchen. Not bothering to change, he walked out of his door, and locked it behind him.

He stumbled down the stairs, the light in the hallway blinding him. Miraculously, he made it to his car without trouble. He shoved the sunglasses he had stored in his glove box over his eyes and pulled out of his parking spot. The rowdy streets were hell, and contributed to his growing headache. He endured the pain until he pulled into the club's parking lot.

He slammed the door, and walked into the club, ready to spend the first day of his vacation.

* * *

After two weeks, he had come to a routine. He was at the club, drinking away his sorrow, from the time the doors opened to the time that they closed.

He'd learned that the bartender was named Carl, who had affectionately given him the nickname, "Drunk Jesus", as he had grown a fluffy beard since the wedding, and now looked like the pictured Jesus. He'd also learned and perfected twenty drinks, but his favorite was tied between straight vodka, the Jesus Jackhammer, and the Adios Motherfucker.

Spencer was currently downing a Suicidal, leaning on the counter and talking to Carl.

"Well, Drunk Jesus, I know it hurts. But she has a little kid, right? He needs a dad, just like you needed one."

Having spilled his entire life story to Carl, Reid was comfortable talking to the bald bartender, "It's just, it sucks that she never even _considered _me. You know, I once went with her to a Redskins game, and she must have reminded me that we were 'just friends' twelve times that day. I mean, I know I'm not a handsome or buff guy, but still."

Carl looked at him strangely, "Drunk Jesus, why did you like her after she did that to you at the game? You deserve someone that appreciates what you've got, man. You gotta let her go."

At this time, Lola, the other bartender came across them while wiping down the counter. Reid had talked to her, too.

"Listen, Jesus, Baldie's right. You need a girl who _loves _what you think are flaws. She needs to love everything about you, not just the outside. I know this JJ means the world to you, and so does her kid. You need to get away from her for a while. Now I'm not saying ignore her, but time heals all wounds, you know? You can't heal if your always around what's cutting ya," Lola sanctioned, throwing her towel over her black t-shirt.

Carl shot Lola a dirty look at her referencing to him as 'Baldie', "Besides DJ, your not hideous. You got Lila Archer, _Lila Archer,_ to make out with you! That's something!"

It was a well known fact that Carl was obsessed with Lila, but not in a bad way. Reid smiled into his now empty glass at the memory, and Lola slid him a new drink. He took a sip, deduced it was an Incredible Hulk, and then frowned again. (Not at the drink, of course)

"I don't know though, it's just so weird that she out of the blue decided to marry him. She was with Will for years before they actually, _tied the knot_. I'm worried that she only agreed to do it out of panic, I'm worried that whatever reason she decided not to marry him is going to pop up now."

"You're a profiler, right?" Carl asked, sounding serious. He gave Spencer a hard look through his grey eyes.

Reid nodded, gulping down the drink.

"Was she smiling on her wedding day?"

Reid nodded again.

"Then if she's happy, don't you think those flaws, those reasons, are gone? I know you said you don't profile each other, but try to when you get back. If she's changing, if she's not herself, then you know why, you'll know that the reasons came back. And you'll help her. That's just who you are, Jesus."

Spencer gave a tight lipped smile, it didn't quite reach his eyes, but it still showed that he understood.

"DJ, if your really concerned about your looks, don't be. Your actually really hot. You need any tips on clothes, because trust me _you do_, come to me. You've been in that outfit for two weeks. Trust me, jeans and a t-shirt do _wonders _for a guy. Anyways, bar's a closing, cya tomorrow, Drunk Jesus," Lola winked at him, and grabbed his empty glass.

Reid blushed at the compliments, and at his clothing. Nodding, and slightly drunk, he walked out of the club, and hailed a cab home.

* * *

Derek Morgan was starting to worry. Hotch had let them know that Reid had decided to go on vacation, but still, fifteen days and no call? That was unlike Reid. He hadn't contacted any of the team at all after he had disappeared from JJ's wedding, and Derek was starting to wonder what was going on.

The agent sighed, he would visit Reid tomorrow, just to make sure he was okay. Morgan was stressed. JJ was looking more and more frustrated since her wedding. He didn't think it was anything serious, she was always cranky when Reid wasn't at work. But it still spiked a small degree of worry, not anything to act on though.

They were as close as he and Penelope were, so he figured maybe JJ was just upset that he hadn't stayed long at her wedding. Derek shrugged into his jacket. He'd have to talk to Penelope about it.

* * *

After another night at _Orion_, the club where he drank at, Reid woke up in the morning, determined to start putting this behind him. His vacation was, after all, almost over.

Was he still hurting? Yes. Did drinking help numb the pain? Yes. Was wallowing and drinking healthy for him? No.

The genius had decided to go out and shop, and after a conversation with Lola over the phone, he had picked out some comfortable, yet casual clothes. She had approved, especially after he had shaved and gotten a hair cut.

He was sitting at home, in his favorite chair, watching Star Trek and sipping non-alcoholic coffee. He wasn't paying much attention to the show, though. Instead, he was pondering over JJ. And Henry. And Will. Reid sighed. Carl was absolutely right. He loved Henry, and Henry needed Will. JJ had never seen him in that way. She wasn't his. She was way out of his league.

"Listen Reid, you don't have to like it. But you have to accept it. Life is a book, it was written this way from the start," He told himself, desperately aching to believe it.

The pang in his heart, or what was left of it, was painful. But one thought of Henry, and he could ignore it. He loved his godson, and he'd do anything for him. Lost in his thoughts as he was, Spencer hardly noticed the knock on his door.

The second time, it was louder, and broke him out of his reverie. He rose from his seat, and walked towards the door. He opened it, surprised to see Morgan standing there.

"Can I come in?" Morgan asked, smirking as Reid quickly scrambled out of the way and gestured him in.

Morgan looked around, pleased to see the apartment neat and Reid-like, "So how's it been going, Kid? I feel like I haven't seen you forever. You don't visit, you don't write, you don't call!"

The last part he said jokingly, with the underlying message clear: _What's going on?_

It didn't go unnoticed by the young agent, "I've just been relaxing, getting a hold of my thoughts, you know."

Derek took a seat on the comfy couch, "We've been worried about you, Reid. You just vanished at JJ's wedding, and no one knew where you went. Then the next day you take three weeks off? Out of the blue? It's not just that, either. You didn't call or text any of us, not me or Garcia or JJ or anyone! You never do that. What's going on, man?"

Reid sighed.

"Look, Derek, I was just in serious need of some _alone time_. My mom's been getting worse, more bad days then good. I had to get the world back under my feet. I'm sorry I worried you guys, but I've been busy figuring out what it all means."

"What what means?"

"Everything, I guess. I'm human too, you know. My heart hurts too. Just because I know a bunch of statistics doesn't make me a robot incapable of feeling. I hit a breaking point, alright? I needed to deal with it, I'm _still_ dealing with it. Let me handle this my own way." The statement was soft, but forceful. Morgan could tell he was on thin ice, and that if he probed more, Reid would start getting defensive.

He put his hands in the air, in surrender. "Okay, okay. You're fine, that's all I wanted to know. I gotta get going, Garcia invited me out to a movie. Your welcome to come, Kid, if you want to. Nice new outfit, by the way. And hair cut. You and I should hit the club sometime soon, we could be wingmen!"

Reid broke a smile at the giddy expression on Morgan's face, "We'll see."

Morgan gave Spencer a bro-hug before leaving, already thinking of all the women they could pick up. Reid closed the door behind him.

He sighed and went back to thinking. _Let her go._

* * *

When the day he had to go back to work came, Spencer was actually glad. He got up early and dressed in jeans and a plain, dark red shirt, with some old and battered red converse.

He left his hair mussed up, and had a nice cup of coffee while he drove to the BAU office. His messenger bag was filled with books, ibuprofen, and, admittedly, motivational phrases to keep him from doing something stupid around JJ.

He was at his desk before anyone had arrived, and was sifting through paperwork before he knew it, determined to keep his conversations with JJ limited and congratulatory. Reid found himself humming and in a fantastic mood, his clothes were less stuffy and allowed for less constricting movement, his coffee was great, and his chair had been fixed over his vacation, making it so that it was no longer lopsided or squeaky.

One by one the BAU members began to sift in, each surrounding his desk and talking to him, filling him in on what he had missed. The last to arrive though, was JJ.


	2. JJ's Night Life

**I'm so excited to be writing this story! Special thanks to D.C. al Coda for being my first reviewer! I remember reading your stories as a guest before I registered! They're great!**

* * *

Jennifer Jareau knew she'd have to wake up eventually, it was a Monday after all, she had to go to work, but being roused at 3:00 a.m was not her initial plan. The rough hand shaking her shoulder refused to let up until she turned to face it, a scowl on her tired face.

"What do you want, Will?!" She snapped, her eyes glaring at her husband of three weeks, William LaMontagne Jr. She was after all in the middle of a wonderful dream about her championship soccer game when he had woken her up.

"I was wondrin' if ya'd go take care o' Henry. He's been cryin' for the past thirty minutes, somethin' 'bout a nightmare, or whatever," the ex-detective muttered, taking a long sip from a shadowed bottle. His Cajun accent had gotten much, much stronger since he had started drinking. Sometimes, JJ couldn't discern what he was trying to say, it got so bad.

She blinked, the stench from the alcohol on his clothes and breath making her crinkle her nose in distaste.

"You mean to say that _our son _has been crying for half an hour and you haven't done anything? What is wrong with you?" JJ growled, her anger and motherly instinct overpowering her tiredness. She peeled back the comforter and didn't wait to hear his more than likely idiotic response before she was ripping open their bedroom door and fast-walking down the hall to where Henry's room was.

The blonde winced as the three year old's shrieks reached her ears. She twisted the brass door knob and took long strides to where his bed was. Her heart broke to see his small body curled up in a ball, trembling from the sobs that let themselves loose from his throat. She gently wrapped her arms around him, resting her cheek on top of his head and whispering soft assurances.

Finally, after what seemed to be twenty minutes, the sniffling ceased, and Henry's head rose up from its previous position in between his knees.

"M-mommy?" he finally spoke, his bottom lip jutted out, and fresh tear lines on his face, "I had a bad dream."

"What was it about, little man?" JJ asked softly, meeting his cerulean eyes with her own.

"Auntie Penny and Uncle Spence went to go catch a bad guy and they didn't come back."

"Henry, your Auntie and Uncle are very careful when they go catch the bad guys. They're okay, I promise. It was just a dream, baby. Tell you what, when mommy gets back from work today, she'll see if Auntie Penny and Uncle Spence can come over and see you. Would you like that?"

Her son smiled widely, excited at the idea of seeing his godparents, "Yes, mommy! Uncle Spence and I can read _The Trumpet of the Swan_!"

JJ grinned, Spencer had been very invested in teaching and reading with her son, it was why he was the youngest and most talented child in his preschool, and why he had such a great grasp of speech.

"Then we can all make cookies, right pal?"

The boy nodded eagerly, his mind off of his nightmare.

"Alright, baby, we've got a lot planned tomorrow. You don't want to be tired do you?" Already knowing the answer, JJ continued, "Let's get you to bed, sweetie."

Within minutes of rocking and with a low lullaby, Henry had fallen back asleep, a smile on his face as JJ tucked him in. She sighed, sleepiness creeping back into her as she closed his door, and walked back to her marital bedroom. Will was sprawled out on the bed, watching ESPN and drinking beer. The digital clock read 3:52, and she suppressed a groan. She had to be at work in three hours.

She walked over to the T.V., and turned it off. Ignoring Will's protests, she turned off the light, climbed into her side of the bed, as far as possible from him, and shut her eyes. Just another night in the life of Jennifer Jareau.

* * *

Two hours later, the alarm blared painfully in her ears. JJ got up, and went through her morning routine. The hot water of the shower was soothing, and she relished the feeling of it. She wore her usual work attire, a knee length skirt and a professional blouse with heels. Putting her hair up, she woke up Henry, made him breakfast, and drove him to preschool.

She did all of this without a single word to her husband, who was passed out on the couch, where he had slunk down to to watch T.V.

JJ pulled into the parking lot, expecting a better day once she saw Spence again. She had missed him like crazy over his vacation, and was honestly worried about him. He had just disappeared during her wedding, and no one had heard from him until Morgan had visited him. And even then, all she had managed to get out of Garcia's 'Chocolate God' was that he was, 'Being Reid'.

It was unusual for the genius to be so reclusive over such a long period of time. JJ had wished she could have talked to him, but all of her calls had gone unanswered. She needed him now more than ever, with Will pulling stupid stunts like last nights incident, she was afraid her newborn marriage was crumbling before it even took off. Only Spencer Reid would know what to say, he always did. It was like he was born to comfort her, and for that she was eternally grateful.

She walked out of the elevator doors, scanning the room for her best friend. Immediately, she saw the small group of people surrounding his desk, and assumed he was there, among the crowd. Numerous backs blocked her vision, so she wasn't sure. JJ approached the group, smiling at Prentiss and Morgan and Garcia. And then, sitting in Spencer's chair, was a tall guy who had a sexy tousled hair cut and a clean shaven face. He had on a deep red shirt and dark jeans, (Both of which showcased his lean muscles _quite _nicely.) and sneakers.

JJ did a double take when she saw his eyes. They were a dark golden brown; JJ only knew one person with those color eyes. She was looking at Spencer Reid.

"Spence?" she asked, just to be sure it was really her best friend. Since when did Reid get a body? And what happened to his long locks and sweater vests?

He smiled, to her it looked slightly tight, but she might have been imagining things, "Hey, JJ. Congratulations on your wedding."

"Yeah, thanks," JJ said, wondering why he was offering congrats three weeks after she was married. Choosing to ignore this for the time being, she sat down on the corner of his desk that wasn't occupied (Prentiss was on the other side) and watched him expectantly.

"So...Reid... What brought up this change?" Emily asked, breaking the slight silence.

Spence turned to her, "Well, these clothes are far more comfortable than anything else I've worn. So, that, I guess. As for the hair change, well, it came recommended from a friend."

Morgan smirked, "You been holding out on me, Pretty Boy?"

"Yeah, do you have a secret girlfriend that we don't know about?" Garcia piped in, she turned to JJ, expecting conformation, as obviously, as Reid's best friend, she would know.

JJ frowned slightly, Spence had a girlfriend? She didn't know of any such thing.

Spencer's eyes grew, "No! I said friend! Friend as in _friend!_"

Prentiss chipped in, grilling the young genius with a grin, "Or friend as in girlfriend."

"It's not like that!" Reid squeaked.

"Oh, so friend as in _lover__,_" the tech goddess said dramatically, playfully nudging the genius's shoulder.

JJ stayed silent, her brow furrowed. Is that why he took a vacation? So that he could be with this mysterious friend? JJ automatically didn't like this _friend. _

"Come on guys, Reid can't be with someone," Derek rationed, a sunny smile on his face, "'Cause he's going to be my wingman!"

Spence groaned and put his head in his hands, his reply was slightly muffled, "She's a friend. Her name is Lola. She's _nothing more than that_. And Morgan, I'm not wingman material, sorry."

The blonde mother narrowed her eyes, Lola sounded far too much like Lila, the slutty actress from L.A. But internally, she sighed, she had absolutely no reason to dislike 'Lola', or to be the overprotective, jealous best friend she was seconds away from turning into. Besides, Spencer seemed pretty sure that there was no lover or girlfriend.

JJ stopped her thoughts immediately, since when could she dictate if Spence was with someone?

Shaking her head, she jumped into the conversation, "Well anyways, how's it been for the past few weeks? I know Henry has been dying to see you and Pen."

At the mention of their godson, Spencer and Penelope smiled.

"It's been good. Made a few _friends, _learned a few things, the like," Spence said, putting an emphasis on _friends_, "If today is slow, can I come over and see him?"

"Yeah, can I too?" Garcia asked, tagging along with Reid.

JJ nodded, "Absolutely! I was going to ask you guys, actually. Henry was so excited at the idea of seeing you today, I'm sure he's been bouncing off the walls at preschool. Morgan, Prentiss, you're welcome to come as well!"

The team smiled, uttered their agreements, and went along to normal chit chat. They were all more than a little surprised and intrigued about Reid's new look, and planned to get more into it later.

The ex-liaison was most curious, and was also wondered why Spence, her best friend, had hardly spoken to her, and when he did, it was short and to the point. Had she done something wrong?

* * *

It had indeed, been a slow day filled with mountains of tedious paperwork and filing. JJ had called and spoken to Will (It had actually been the thing that had woken him up from his alcohol induced slumber) and made sure that he had picked up Henry from preschool.

The time was 5:00, and she saw Reid and Garcia shrug on their jackets and stand by the elevator, presumably waiting for her. She gladly walked over, slipping on her own jacket. She received another forced smile from Reid, and a happy grin from Garcia as they all entered the elevator. They chatted idly as they all filed into her SUV and drove off to her home, eager to see the small, male copy of JJ that was bound to be a whole lot of fun for all of them.

* * *

**Not nearly as long as the last one, but it was necessary. Anyways, no, not a Reid/OC story. Also, while Reid drinks, know that it isn't nearly as bad as Will. Thanks for reading! **


	3. Books and Cookies

**Thank you all so much for reading this far! And to those who've reviewed and followed or favorited, thank you too! I know this story isn't very popular, or as large as other stories, but I get so excited when I get another view for my story! I'd like to know though, is there anything I could do better? **

* * *

Reid couldn't help it. He had a weakness when it came to the Jareau gene pool, specifically when Henry and JJ were involved. He just couldn't say no. That was why he found himself extremely uncomfortable in the backseat of her SUV while she and Garcia talked in the front.

Although, he was glad he would get to see his godson. He now felt guilty for not visiting Henry during his three week vacation. This thing with JJ, it was eating him alive. He felt nauseous in her presence, and his heart throbbed painfully whenever she looked at him for longer than three seconds. It felt like high school again, he was crushing, still, on the pretty girl who dated the jock.

Spencer mentally berated himself for having such thoughts. She was his co-worker, and his friend, she wasn't supposed to be pretty. Or radiant. Or beautiful. But she was. With her long, thick, golden tresses, and deep ocean blue-

_Stop it, Spencer! _

If he could get away with groaning inconspicuously, he would have. Lola was right. Being close to her wasn't doing him much good. He was suddenly grateful for the alcohol he had consumed over his vacation. He could no longer remember the wedding clearly, or anything remotely romantic. Reid wouldn't drink again, he didn't want to become immune to it and accidentally overdose trying to numb himself. That wouldn't do. He was in the emotional ringer, and while it sucked spectacularly, he didn't want to die.

He was pulled from his dark musings by Garcia, "Your'e awfully quiet, Boy Wonder. Something wrong?"

"No, I'm alright," he responded tightly, "Just thinking."_  
_

"About?" JJ asked, in the rear-view mirror, he could see one perfect eyebrow arched in question.

"Stuff," Reid said, short and sweet. He felt his soul crack when he saw her frown. How could he ever get over her? How could he even _possibly _believe he could stop loving her?

If only she knew the effect she had on him.

_Henry, think of Henry. _His eyes hardened. It's for Henry. Besides, JJ and Will are in love, and Will was a good man. Since when was that not enough for him? Henry and JJ's happiness was most important. He couldn't harm that, just for his own needs. It wasn't in his nature. _She's never liked you that way!_

"You're not being very specific, Spence," the blonde profiler said, her eyes glancing at him through the mirror.

"Yeah, junior G-man, we can't read minds like you!" Garcia exclaimed, and turned it her seat to look at him. The tech goddess noticed he looked faraway, there, but not really, "is this about that Lola girl? If you like her or not, its fine with us."

Spencer's lips quirked up, he thought it was hilarious that they thought he liked Lola. Then again, they didn't know her, but still, it made him want to laugh. He of course knew of Lola's crush on Carl, as they had talked about how similar their situations were. She wasn't Reid's type. She was a great and understanding friend, but they didn't have very much in common, personality wise.

"Oooh, someone's thinking of a girl!" Garcia squealed, "I knew it! Lola and Reid, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Reid blushed a deep shade of red, right down to his Adam's Apple. He choked up, the imagery in that Garcia's proclamation brought almost made him want to gag. Lola was like a cousin. The thought of _that deed_ with her had him gaping like a fish.

The genius spluttered, "Uh, uh, uh. Erm. Uh?" He couldn't formulate words properly.

He was so busy being flustered, and Garcia was so busy grilling him and teasing him, that they didn't notice JJ scowl and scrunch her nose up, "We're here. Come on, I'll bet Henry's excited."

The three got out of the car, Reid still scarlet. They closed their doors, JJ slamming hers a bit loudly. Garcia stopped hounding Reid when they got to the front door of her small but comfy home. As soon as she had turned the knob, a little blonde bullet came shooting (pun intended) out towards her, screaming "Auntie! Uncle! Mommy!" at the top of his lungs.

He slammed into JJ at full force almost knocking her into Penelope. No one minded, however. Everyone was grinning from ear to ear as Henry drug them in the house and eagerly recounted his day to them, "-and then, daddy came and took me home!"

"Where is your daddy, Henry?" JJ asked as she hung up her jacket. Penelope and Spencer kept their jackets on.

"He's sleeping, mommy."

JJ nodded, she expected as much, "So, little man, what do you want to do next?"

"Reading with Uncle Spence!"

Spencer smiled, and slid out his copy of _The Trumpet of the Swan,_ a classic that Henry had been wanting to read, out of his messenger bag. Henry laughed, and grabbed his large hand, while leading him to the sitting room. Spencer sat on the recliner, and Henry climbed in his lap. Reid quickly slipped on his glasses, made sure they were both comfortable before beginning, "The Trumpet of the Swan, by E.B. White-"

* * *

"Alright JJ, what is wrong with _you_?" Penelope Garcia asked as she pulled JJ into the kitchen, far from the boy's earshot.

JJ gave her a funny look, "Nothing. Why?"

"Listen, I may not be a profiler, but something is definitely wrong between you and Boy Wonder. You guys aren't acting like you normally do. What's going on?"

"Nothing, Pen. Everything's fine."

Garcia's eye's narrowed, "Uh huh, sure. Don't think I didn't notice that door slam, or that 'I just swallowed a lemon' scowl you were broadcasting in the car. Are you mad at him or something? Is it because he went AWOL during your wedding?"

The blonde agent felt her heart beat quicken, had she been that obvious? "No. I'm not mad at him. We're good, okay?"

"You don't sound so sure of yourself."

"Alright! Fine! Yes, I want to know why he left without a goodbye. I'm wondering why he went through a drastic change. Why he disappeared!" JJ whisper-yelled, throwing her hands in the air.

The tech goddess smiled, "I see what this is about. Your jealous."

"_What?!_"

"Reid's gone and gotten himself a girlfriend and your mad that your not his number one anymore. It's perfectly normal, Jayje. He did adore you for years, it's natural that you've grown accustomed to the attention he gave you."

"I'm a married woman!"

"You don't deny that you're jealous, though. Face it Jayje, it bothers you that he's found someone," Garcia smirked.

JJ's cheeks were hot, "I am not! It doesn't! I'm.. married!"

"Your avoiding the fact that it bugs you, again."

"It _doesn't _bother me! I'm happy, he's happy, that's what matters!"

"Your lying. Your pinching your right thumb knuckle, it's your tell," Morgan's 'Baby Girl' explained, then turned serious, "JJ, what's wrong? You keep repeating your married, is that supposed to be convincing me, or yourself? Is everything okay here?"

JJ snatched her left hand away from her right, unaware that she even _had _a tell, and let loose a deep sigh, she supposed she needed to get it off her chest. "Will's been very...distant lately. We hardly talk or do anything romantic. I'm just wondering if we got married just because. I'm scared, Pen. More often than not I find myself itching to slap him upside the head. He's always drinking, I'm always annoyed. I don't know what to do!"

Garcia's eyebrows furrowed, she wasn't expecting that, "Oh. Well, is there anything that's been different? When did it start?"

"Almost three weeks ago. He thinks now that I'm his wife, I have to take on the 'traditional' role, which basically means he lives like a pig while I cook, clean, and take care of Henry. And then he just sits there, watches TV, drinks, and _makes _dirt, if that's even possible. He's a good father, but it seems that he only wants to be when I'm gone." At this point, tears began to pool in JJ's eyes, and she had to fight to keep her voice in it's normal octave. _  
_

"Aw, Jayje. It's going to be alright!" Penelope brought her coworker into a tight hug.

JJ took a hard breath through her nose, "And when I need Spence the most he's being so distant. I feel like I missed something _huge _with him over those three weeks, like he went through hell and back and I wasn't there. I just, I _know_ he's hurting, I just don't know why. Is it wrong that I still want him attached to me, that I still want him to dote on me?"

"It makes sense, JJ. And it's not wrong. He's been one of the only permanent things in your life, and you don't want someone to take him away and change him. Change him to where he isn't your best friend anymore."

"Not just that, Pen. I," JJ started, then sniffed, ashamed, "I want him to still _love _me."

Garcia pulled back from the hug quickly, "What?!"

JJ groaned, "I know, I know, it's wrong!"

"More then wrong, JJ! You want him to want you even though you don't, and can't, want the same!"

"I know, it's bad, but I can't help it. I'm married, and I don't think I like Spence that way, but I can't help it. I can't, and I won't do anything!"

"Peaches, you _have_ to know he was _in love _with you! Like, 'I'd die for you' love! Just because things with Will are sucking right now, doesn't mean that you can hurt Boy Wonder like that!"

"I wouldn't ever hurt him! No, I _couldn't _ever hurt him. I just, I wonder, you know? It's a fantasy, Pen, nothing more. Henry needs his dad, and Spence probably stopped thinking about me like that a long time ago. I'm probably just suffering from knowing that I'm stuck with a couch potato for a husband, and my child's father."

Garcia's face softened, "It's alright, Jayje. Maybe you need to have a long, serious talk with Will. I could take Henry tonight, if you need it. I wish I could make it all better for you, and junior G-man, and Henry. You should talk to him to, just let him know that your there for him. I've been hearing his mom's getting worse, maybe he's just stressed. I know for a fact that's what you are. You, Henry, Boy Wonder, and I will get through this, okay?"

"Thank you, Pen. I'm going to talk to Will. I just don't know what good it'll do. I hope that this _Lola _doesn't hurt him, I'd scalp her if she did. I can't stand to see him like this, reclusive and lost, and _hurt._"

"Come on, Jayje. Let's see if we can get the two reading bugs to get in here and help us make cookies. Then we can ask Henry if he'd like to come over to his Auntie Penny's house." Penelope's smile and slight nudge told JJ that she was letting the subject go. JJ wiped her eyes, and smiled back.

* * *

JJ felt her heart smile at the sight before her. In the recliner, Spencer and Henry were cuddled up together, with Spence's, long arm wrapped around her son protectively. He was reading to Henry, pointing out the words with a lean index finger. The blonde boy giggled when Reid started rocking him around making sound effects. It was quite cute actually, and she knew that he'd be a good father, despite the fabled "Reid Effect".

It was odd thinking of Spencer as a father. It was hard thinking of him being with someone, and even harder thinking of him _being _with someone. She shuddered, _Don't think about that, JJ!_

"Well my Pretties! I think it's Cookie Time!" Penelope announced from behind her, already with an apron on. The two boys snapped up from their book, and grinned.

"COOKIES!" Henry exclaimed, jumping out of Spencer's lap and bounding towards the kitchen, the genius, ex-liaison, and tech goddess following him.

* * *

Spencer had been less awkward and shy in Henry's presence, and the love in his eyes when he looked at the blonde toddler made JJ's soul warm. The cookie making was fun, and the kitchen looked like a hurricane had gone through it before they were through. Spence, JJ, and Henry had flour caked on their cheeks and clothes, and grease in their hair. Garcia thought is was adorable, (JJ did as well) and the techie took a photo of the three, Henry on Spence's shoulders, with his arm placed lightly around JJ's shoulders. They all grinned madly.

JJ missed Spencer's warmth when he quickly pulled away, almost as if he'd been burned. She dismissed it.

The four cleaned the kitchen, and then JJ cleaned Henry up and packed him a bag of clothes for the night. When she got back down, Reid and Garcia were having an deep conversation, and for a half second, she was afraid Penelope had told him what they had discussed earlier, but when the genius's back was turned, Garcia mouthed "Secret's safe".

"Well, cya buddy! I had a great time reading with you! I'll see you soon, okay pal?" Reid said as he bent to the ground, scooped Henry up, and swung him around. _Hell of a goodbye, _JJ thought.

"Walk safely, Uncle Spence!" Henry laughed, and hugged his godfather. Whenever Spencer came over, he always walked home, as he liked the alone time to think and it was only a few miles away.

"Will do, little man."

Reid hugged Garcia and then hugged JJ quickly, waving his goodbye.

JJ bid her son and Garcia home with plenty of "be safe's" and kisses. When the door closed behind them, she sighed, realizing that she'd have to talk with Will now. She couldn't believe he was still asleep.

Just as she was about to open the bedroom door, her phone buzzed.

Seeing it was from Penelope, she quickly opened it.

_**Peaches, Reid isn't dating anyone.** _

What?

* * *

**Okay, so I have officially proved I suck at cliffhangers. Oh well. I feel like this one was a bit rushed, but I can't bring myself to change anything. I think it's necessary for plot development. Thanks to anyone who read or favorited or followed or reviewed!**


	4. Altercations and Disney

**You guys are awesome! We've reached over 1,000 views! Thank you for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting! I'm not sure how long I intend this to be, but I know I just can't stop writing! I'm going to kind of ignore the major cases for now, just so that I can sort everything out.**

**I put up a soundtrack for this story on my bio!**

* * *

Spencer started out the door, the cool wind was fresh and clean. He began his trek on foot home, trusting his feet to carry him back to his house. He was absorbed in thoughts about JJ that everything else seemed to fade away into the background. His phone started to ring, and he dug in his bag to look for it. Grasping the metal device, he brought it to his ear, and stopped walking, not checking the caller ID.

_"Hey, DJ, guess what?" _Lola's voice came through, she sounded ecstatic.

"Hi, Lola. What's up?"

_"I finally got a date with Carl!"_

"You finally got Carl to ask you out!? Awesome! I'm so happy for you guys!"

* * *

Penelope didn't mean to eavesdrop, really. It was a simple coincidence that she were to walk out and overhear the conversation when she did. At first, she assumed he was talking to a different Lola, as why would he be happy about his girlfriend dating someone else, but then she realized how uncommon that name was. She almost squealed in excitement. _Boy Wonder is single!_

Before the phone call could continue, her adorable blonde godson decided it would be ample to shout, "BYE UNCLE SPENCE!"

Reid automatically shut his phone and stuffed it in his pocket. He turned towards them, a large smile on his face as he opened his arms wide. The three year old ran into his arms, and they twirled and laughed. It was something so sweet that Garcia had to snap a quick picture. She loved her junior G-man and junior-junior G-man.

"Hey Garcia! You want to walk home with me? We could have some coffee and maybe watch a movie with the world's most awesome godson!" Spencer said as he tickled Henry, who had crawled into his arms. Henry's delighted shrieks and giggles were clues to how much he wanted to go.

Penelope grinned and yelled, "Sure!", before fast walking to catch up with the boys. While Henry talked animatedly to his Uncle Spence, Garcia sent a quick text to JJ letting her know about the update in Reid's social life.

She resisted the urge to send another one saying, "Tall, smart, hottie up for grabs! Might get me a taste!". Nah, that'd be cruel. It was tempting, though. Reid had blossomed, and although he was one of the greatest human beings she had ever met, she wasn't into him _that _way. They were like siblings, it wasn't that kind of love between them. Besides, Garcia had her sights set on her Mocha Latte.

They were taking turns holding Henry, and they joked and laughed. She saw a brightness in Reid's eyes when they started talking about _The Trumpet of the Swan_, and a certain sadness, too. Almost as if he were trying to stop himself from doing something that he loved. She decided that she wouldn't pry him about it later; some things were meant to be private. They all were discussing Henry's favorite episode of _Spongebob _when they reached his apartment building.

The genius, tech goddess, and mini-profiler made their way up the stairs, and to Spencer's door. He unlocked it and they went inside. The living room was neat and clean, and with it's dark wooden decor and leather furniture, had a sharp professor look. Garcia kicked off her bright shoes as Reid went to the kitchen and fixed the adults coffee, and Henry some apple juice. Henry was in Penelope's lap, they were having a staring contest. They both failed horribly, and were laughing when Reid brought the drinks over.

"So, buddy, do you want to watch a movie?" Spencer asked, the steaming mug in his hands. When the boy nodded, Spencer opened up his movie cabinet and the blonde dove through them, before turning to the agents clutching the case for _The Lion King._ They popped the movie in the DVD player, turned out the lights, and glued their eyes to the screen.

Garcia and Henry sang, "Maaaaaa Tapenya!" As Timon did.

* * *

JJ looked at the phone incredulously. He _wasn't _dating anybody? She was confused. And also, shamefully, glad. Maybe she just had severe attachment issues, maybe she was unreasonable, maybe she was even jealous, because the thought of a girl warming Spencer's bed gave her the worst sinking feeling in her stomach. There was a part of her that didn't want him with _anyone_. Ever.

So what, she was a bit territorial. Sue her.

The weight on her heart lifted slightly with the text. She opened the door, hearing Will snoring loudly in his sleep. There was a bottle on the nightstand beside her husband, and she already knew it would be empty. The TV was off, and Will was lying in the bed, with nothing but briefs and a beer-stained tank top on. He was the picturesque douche bag. Sighing, she walked to the bed, and gently shook his shoulder, feeling that she didn't want him in a bad mood for the conversation they were about to have.

"Will, wake up," JJ said, watching as he groaned and squinted at her.

"Whaziit?" Will asked in his thick, now annoying, accent. He started to sit up, and looked at her.

JJ sat on the opposite end of the bed, not really sure how to start, "We have to talk, Will."

"Why? Look, Cher, we're doin' fine. We been fine. There's nothin' wrong with us. No need ter fix things that don' need fixin'."

"That's the problem Will! There _are _issues between us! You just refuse to see them!"

"Nothin's wrong!" Will insisted, his voice rising with hers.

"Yes, there is! You're always lying around like a bum! I don't understand why you think that me being your wife means me being your slave! I can't _possibly _comprehend why I'm always having to argue with you about this!"

"It's jus' proper!"

"_What is proper!?_"

"You get ter go off on yer fancy FBI adventures, I have ter stay home! This ain't even a damn home, either! I gotta leave New Orleans and you get to live yer life how _you _wanna! It's always 'bout you!"

JJ was furious, and quick to reply, "We're coming back to _that_!? I never asked you to come here! I never told you to move! It's not my fault that you don't want to get a job! I wasn't the one who decided that if it wasn't NOPD, it wasn't good enough!"_  
_

"Yer the one tha' decided tha' the Pentagon wasn' good 'nough! No! It had to be the damn BAU! You jus' can't stay away from Quantico! I bet yer sleepin' with yer boss, tha's why! You love them profilers more than you do yer own family!"

"I have _never _cheated on you, Will! I can't believe you would even think that! The BAU, and everyone on my team, _are _my family! They've been there for longer than you have, that's for sure! I proud of the work I do for the FBI, it's made me who I am!"

"You mean a lyin' bitch!? You coulda had a great time at the Pentagon! Better hours, better pay, better people! You don' love Henry 'nough to quit tha' damn job! We're not yer family, you made tha' clear!"

The agent's eyes were slits, her teeth bared slightly. She was absolutely livid.

"_How dare you_!? How _dare _you accuse me of not loving my son? He is the most important thing in this world to me! He's the great boy he is because he gets to look up to his family, his BAU family! Like it or not, Will, he's my son! He's my flesh, my blood! That means he's as connected to the BAU as I am! They adore him, they treat him like _their _own blood, because that's what we are in Quantico, we may not be bound by DNA, but that doesn't mean we're not family!

"Their the best people in the world, and their not perfect, but they don't have to be! I don't even know why you feel so threatened by them! They've done _nothing_ but try and accept you! I told you, you knew coming into this relationship that my team is everything to me! They've put their _lives _one the line for me, they'd die for _you_! They'd do it for me, because they know how much I loved you!" JJ screeched. She felt so hot, like her very blood boiled.

"Righ' there! You said _loved_! You don' love me no more! It's cause o' them damn feds! I knew they'd turn you against me! They hate me, they got it in for me! They don' care 'bout you or me! Every one o' them would leave you in the dust if it mean' their own hides!" Will shouted back.

JJ scoffed, "You're pathetic. Your jealous of a bunch of heroes! They've _already_ risked death to save me. And you know what? Yeah, you're making it _really _hard to love you when your acting so petty and low! You're not the man I met in New Orleans!"

"The man in New Orleans stayed there. He's not about to come all the way to Virginia fer the likes o' you. Na, he don' go for sluts."

"Fuck you," the vulgar words were out of JJ's mouth before she could stop them.

"Someone already beat ya to the punch, sweetheart," the ex-detective muttered, a dark smirk on his face. His desired effect on the beautiful blonde hit its mark. She, her hand on the doorknob, stopped completely. Slowly, she turned to him.

She swallowed the lump forming her throat, and fought to get her voice to it's normal tone, "You-you didn't. You couldn't."_  
_

"Try me, Cher. Henry's met a lot o' "Auntie's" on your trips away. I get lonely," Will said, the twisted smile on his face unfaltering.

"How long?"

"Hmm, 'bout two and a half years."

"Get out," JJ whispered, blinking away the tears pooling in her eyes. Long hair covered her face, shrouding it from Will. Her cheeks were tight, and her saliva started to feel warm. A lead ball began to grow in her stomach, and she knew she'd be physically sick soon.

"Wha'?" Will asked, genuinely confused. He confessed to cheating on her for a good part of their relationship, and she wants to kick him out for his honesty? Maybe it was the beer (it was), but to him that seemed ungrateful.

"Get out! Get out of my house you son of a bitch!" She roared, she was shaking, but she refused to cry in front of him.

The Cajun slob was taken aback at her ferocity, and, despite his day-to-day stupidity, knew it would be a _very _bad idea to argue with her. He scrambled out of the bed, and quickly threw a few outfits into a bag. She glared at him the entire time, and slammed the front door hard when he rushed out.

JJ slid down the wall until she hit the floor. She hugged her knees to her chest and buried her head in her arms. It started off slightly slow, with small, choked whimpers, and soft sniffles. But gradually, as time wore on, it got harder. Harsh sobs racked her body and fat, bitter tears rolled down her cheeks; her eyes and nose stung painfully from the use. A pounding headache began to sprout, and incoherent sentences spluttered out of her mouth. JJ's grief was not only over her lost and broken marriage, but of her shattered trust. For the first time in a long time, Jennifer Jareau cried.

* * *

"Alright, buddy, I'll see you later, okay? Drive safe, guys!" Spencer Reid said as he hugged his godson and Penelope Garcia. After _The Lion King_, they had watched _Aladdin_ and then _Mulan_. After the last Disney picture, and several popcorn wars, the small blonde tike was all tired out. The tech goddess realized this, and suggested to Henry that they head to her house. Henry had put up a valiant effort to stay awake, but even as Spencer tucked him into the cab his eyes were drooping.

Reid went back into his apartment. Normally, it was very orderly and well kept. Tonight, however, this was not the case. There were couch cushions and blankets everywhere, with popcorn, pots, and colanders littering the floor. Garcia, Henry, and Reid had made makeshift fortresses out of the cushions and blankets, and had used the cooking utensils as armor and construction material. What later ensued was the greatest popcorn battle. Ever. They made alliances, launched kernel after kernel at each other, and otherwise just had a really good time.

The genius smiled at the look on his godson's face when they enacted different battles in history, with their favorite movie snacks. Garcia and Henry had played Rome while he had been Carthage, and Henry had learned valuable facts and things, despite his young age. He had, after a quick explanation from Reid, decided that he'd be the 300 Spartans, despite knowing that he'd lose. He said, "I'd rather fight for this honor you speak of, Uncle Spence."

His comment had Garcia and Reid rolling on the floor laughing. He was extremely smart for a three year old.

Spencer had begun the dutiful task of cleaning. He was in his pajamas, his Yoda boxers and a Batman t-shirt. He still had the long wooden spoon sticking out of his waistband (it had been a short sword) and a colander on his head. He began with reconstructing his couch, then moved onto the vacuuming. He was singing into the handle of his vacuum, being in a great mood, when someone knocked on his door. He shrugged his shoulders and turned off the device before heading to his door.

He totally disregarded his appearance. He was already known for being the most _eccentric _tenant in the building. It didn't matter to him, really. He opened it without checking in the peephole. Not meeting anybody at his height, he looked down, expecting to see some girl scout selling cookies. While it was a girl, she wasn't selling his favorite thin mints. Scratch that, it wasn't a girl. He was looking at a woman. He was looking at Jennifer Jareau.

(She still wasn't selling thin mints)

Suddenly, he felt sick to his stomach and _painfully _aware that he was only in his boxers and a shirt. A lump grew in his throat when he saw the tear tracks on her cheeks, and no matter how much he wanted to hug her and tell her that whatever happened, she'd be okay, he knew he couldn't. That was her husband's job. Not his. He wasn't sure if he'd be strong enough to do that without breaking completely.

_Damn it, Reid! She was your friend before any of this hormone crap!_

The thought startled him into action, and he sidestepped immediately, gesturing her in. He turned around after she had entered and was almost knocked down by the force of which crashed into him. He froze; he wasn't big into touching people, but when it was JJ, things just weren't standard. He brought his hand up to her back and rubbed soothing, gentle, circles, and held her steadily as she cried. Reid could feel her grip on his shirt tighten and a wetness seep into his shoulder. His heart cracked to have her so close, but so far away.

Gravity decided it would torture him, and the colander fell. And hit JJ on the head.

_Oh, boy._

* * *

**I'm sorry for the update lapse, but I've been having one of those schedule jumps. Anyways, thank you all for your suggestions, for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting!**

**P.S. Longest Chapter Yet!**


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